i sat in the pub, drinking an IPA. she came up behind me, kissed my head and sat down. we said a few words. she started to tear. stress, she said. the home, the lack of money—the lack of her period. you know, regular things. i sipped my beer, she cried some more. i tried to console her. she wanted to leave. i had a half a pint of beer left. i chugged, paid and walked with her to the car.

she loved me and i didn't know what to say.

we lost one of the greats, even if he did decide to go elsewhere. he will be remembered for his contribution. for his sense of definite purpose, uncompromisingly so. his steadfast philosophy, which gathered years of followers together. yes, today is a sad day for remembering such a man whose work reflected a huge chunk of mankind and world history. a man whose 'decisive moment' took the chaos of life and made it all so clear.
henri cartier-bresson, ninety5—august, 2004

what is the plan? where am i going with all this? what is the end result? what will I become?

these questions riddle my mind, half-ass answers sit in the tub. what?? what the hell do you want from me? i'm just here biding time, trying not to starve, trying to smile while the rest of the world and my country plan for someone else's demise. or is it my own? i light a candle— leaning over the edge of my bed.

i sit on my ass all day and don't really try to look busy. i play with iTunes, check my email, read the news, dream... dream, dream. when i get home a few minutes after five, i'm wiped out. done. ready for bed. i take my shoes off. peel my socks and take a good whiff. curl my sticky toes into the hardwood floor, then flop on to the bed. the next thing i know— the day, the evening and any semblance of the night are gone. i close my eyes, babble the same things to god under my breath—fading into my secret spot, quietly resting to begin again.

people stop and stare at me. at stop signs, they smile— give me thumbs up. when i walk by, pushing my bike along side of me: cool, that's a great idea, brilliant man, brilliant, wow, that's so neat.

i smile and keep moving forward. i know its a good idea or i wouldn't be doing it. and so i push forward pedaling along with a camera mounted on my handle-bars, and shoot the world, with my trigger finger.